IB Docs (2) Team
WT1 HL S2 (Collector)
The following written task was written for Part 3. It takes its inspiration from The Collector, a novel by John Fowles, written in 1963. You do not need to read this novel in order to understand the nature of the task. In brief, it is about a young man who abducts a young woman and keeps her in his cellar until she dies of pneumonia. The story is told from both the perspective of the victim, Miranda Grey, and the perpetrator, Frederick Clegg. As you can read from the following passage, taken from the last lines of the novel, Frederick Clegg has disposed of Miranda's body and is considering abducting another young woman to take her place.
In the sample student work, you will notice that the student has written in the same style of John Fowles. He has written a new ending to the novel that is true to the spirit of the author's intentions. After you read the rationale and written task, assess it according to the assessment criteria. Then compare your marks to the examiner's marks offered below. How do your marks differ from the examiner's? As a written task, how could you write a new ending to a Part 3 or 4 work that you have read?
Primary source
The Collector
John Fowles
1963
The days passed, it is now three weeks since all that.
Of course I shall never have a guest again, although now Aunt Annie and Mabel have decided to stay Down Under, it would not be difficult.
Still as a matter of interest I have since been looking into the problems there would be with the girl in Woolworths. She lives in a village the other side of Lewes from here, in a house a quarter mile or so from the bus-stop. You have to go along a country-lane to get to it. As I say, it would be possible (if I hadn’t learnt my lesson). She isn’t as pretty as Miranda, of course, in fact she’s only an ordinary common shop-girl, but that was my mistake before, aiming too high, I ought to have seen that I could never get what I wanted from someone like Miranda, with all her la-di-da ideas and clever tricks. I ought to have got someone who would respect me more. Someone ordinary I could teach.
She is in the box I made, under the appletrees. It took me three days to dig the hole. I though I would go mad the night I did it. (went down and got her in the box I made and outside). I don’t think many could have done it. I did it scientific. I planned what had to be done and ignored my natural feelings. I couldn’t stand the idea of having to look at her again, I once heard they go green and purple in patches, so I went in with a cheap blanket I bought in front of me and held it out till I was by the bed and then threw it over the deceased. I rolled it up and all the bedclothes into the box and soon had the lid screwed on. I got round the smell with fumigator and the fan.
The room’s cleaned out now and good as new.
I shall put what she wrote and her hair up in the loft in the deed-box which will not be opened till my death, so I don’t for forty or fifty years. I have not made up my mind and Marian (another M! I heard the supervisor call her name), this time it won’t be love, it would just be for the interest of the thing and to compare them and also the other thing, which as I say I would like to go into in more detail and I could teach her how. And the clothes would fit. Of course I would make it clear from the start who’s boss and what I expect.
But it is still just an idea. I only put the stove down there today because the room needs drying out anyway.
Sample written task
WT HL Sample 2 (Collector)Rationale
What inspired me most to write this ending to The Collector is how the main character, Frederick Clegg, suggests he will go about his business of collecting yet another young lady by the name of Marion at the end of the story. It’s an open ending.
After reading The Collector I felt very familiar with John Fowles’s writing style. He uses short, choppy sentences with a lot of repetition that move at a fast pace. I tried to imitate this to the best of my ability. You can see this in the last lines where I repeat the word ‘knife’ and ‘clothes’ several times. This is consistent with the character of Frederick Clegg who had such an eye for detail, like burying two bodies, while glossing over the emotions and issues that really confront him, such as the murder of two innocent girls.
As far as plot is concerned, Fowles chose for a very post-modern ending in which the reader has to come to grips with the notion that some murderers will never give in to their conscience. Frederick seems to have a conscience throughout the whole story, but in the end he doesn’t listen to it. He almost commits suicide after Miranda’s death as well, but backs out at the last minute. I made another parallel plot line by having Marian get hit by a car. True, Frederick pushes her, but he never acknowledges the fact that he murders her. This situation is similar to Miranda’s death, where she dies of pneumonia, which Frederick fails to attend to. He feels guilt, but does not take the blame. He is caught in a vicious circle and cannot get out. My ending only adds to and makes clearer Fowles’ intentions in portraying this criminal mind.
Written task
As I wandered past the flower shop again, for the fifth time this week, I got anxious in what Marian would be doing, I entered. To not make myself suspicious I acted like I was looking for flowers. Marian wasn’t there. It could be that she was working part-time. I figured that if I wanted to find out, I’d have to go in the flower shop every day of the week.
No, that’d be too suspicious. I’ll have to find another way of finding out. In a quick moment of thinking I thought I’d buy a camera to hang up in the stores and to find out when Marian was there and when she wasn’t. I had a small camera in my pocket and I was searching for a place to hang it up. Of course I acted like I was looking for flowers. I found a nice place next to a big plant to put my camera it could see perfectly whether she was behind the pay desk or not.
I now couldn’t enter the shop for several days, they might get suspicious. The main problem was will they find out about the camera. If they would, they couldn’t even find out whose it is. So I am just going to have to re-enter the shop sometime. I figured that I would come back in seven days so that I knew on which days Marian was there and on which days she wasn’t.
Then I would look up the opening and the closing times. The seven days were not hard to get through; I made everything right for Marian. This time it would be different than with Miranda. I will make sure that I am the boss. I will make sure she respects me and I can teach her. I will make sure that she does not die.
I decided that I would put all the flowers I bought to not be suspicious in the room of Marian. It would be about the same way as Miranda had it but only more colourful. Now that I have prepared everything there is no way to escape for Marian, now the only thing I must do is capture her.
It was a dark, rainy night. The thunder raged like it never raged before. Nobody was outside because of the dangerous thunderous weather. Marian was dressed in her yellow raincoat with blue jeans. I hid around the corner as I saw her coming. I had my balaclava on so she wouldn’t recognize me. I heard footsteps coming. They kept coming as I heard them louder and louder. Then she was there, I jumped behind her and strangled her in one fluent action. She wasn’t able to do anything, however she tried to come lose. She bit me and I let loose. She pulled my balaclava off and recognized me.
"You are the guy of the flower shop!"
I pushed her. She fell behind, on the road. A car was coming. Dead.
I couldn’t believe this. Dead even before I got to know her. All the experiences that we could have had, gone. I was going to go to the car however, the car drove away instantly. This was unbearable. Tears flew over my cheeks as I did not know what to do. I decided to put her in my car and I drove back to my home. I covered her in a white blanket, and threw her in the same hole where Miranda lay. I went into by big home and started writing:
Dear Aunt Annie
I cannot live the way I live now, surrounded with an empty space, everything will fail anyway. I now can’t even do the only thing I was good in, collecting. I killed two girls without meaning to. I can’t overcome this. I feel like everyone hates me. Even god hates me. I came to the moment that I want to run.
Goodbye,
Frederick
I sent this to Aunt Annie from the post box out on the main road. It was quite full so the envelope didn’t drop down like it should have. Instead it remained firmly behind the lip of the box. I went back to the hole of Marian and Miranda. There was only one thing I had to do now. I put a sign next to the hole. It read My Collection. The knife I was holding was sharp, really sharp. I pushed the point of the knife to my heart so that it pierced my clothing. I felt a little blood oozing onto my clothes. Then I hesitated.
Maybe M’s were all wrong to start with. I needed another letter. Perhaps F. Certainly a girl with the name of F would be more compatible with me, Ferdinand, Frederick. Certainly.
Why should I, an F, lie here beside two M’s?
I covered their grave and retrieved the letter from the post box. I had a lot of planning to do…
Examiner's comments
Criterion A - Rationale - 2 marks
The rationale explains how the task is connected to the coursework.
2 out of 2 - The rationale explains the student's decision making process very well. He accounts for why he wrote a new ending and how he decided to write it. This is very useful for an examiner.
Criterion B - Task and content - 8 marks
The content of a task should lend itself well to the type of text that one chooses. The task should demonstrate an understanding of the course work and topics studied. Finally, there should be evidence that the student has understood the conventions of writing a particular text type.
7 out of 8 - The task shows good understanding of The Collector, as the student continues in the spirit of John Fowles. It is appropriate to Fowles' intentions, as he explains in the rationale. The characterization of Frederick Clegg in the student's work is very similar to Fowles' portrayal of this character. His writing style reflects the style of Fowles' style as well, as he uses short sentences, simple vocabulary and a slightly erratic tone.
Criterion C - Organization - 5 marks
The task is organized effectively and appropriately with a regard for the text type. There must be a sense of coherence.
4 out of 5 - The student's work is coherently organized, taking the reader chronologically through the events as they unfold. It reflects the narrative techniques of John Fowles, where the unexpected is presented very nonchalantly to a nebulous reader. The part where Marion dies is rather abrupt, however.
Criterion D - Language - 5 marks
The language of the task must be appropriate to the nature of the task. This means that students use an appropriate and effective register and style. Whatever the nature of the task, ideas must be communicated effectively.
5 out of 5 - The language is very appropriate to the task. As explained, the student's register is consistent with Fowles'.
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