IB Docs (2) Team
Individual Oral Commentary (HL) The Remains of the Day
The following individual oral commentary is based on Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel The Remains of the Day. The IOC is a practice activity done in advance of the examined IOC. At least one full practice IOC with the teacher makes sound pedagogical sense. It is understood, of course, that in certain settings, student numbers and constraints on time may make this practice difficult or impossible for teachers to manage.
Since this oral commentary was done as a practice activity, students can be encouraged to mark the commentary using the grading criteria, make suggestions for future improvement, and be given the opportunity to discuss their views.
Sample Extract/Passage
From The Remains of the Day
Kazuo Ishiguro
Extract
Extract
There was a light frost covering the ground and much of the foliage, but it was a mild
day for that time of the year. I crossed the grass quickly, placed my person behind
the bush, and before long heard Mr Cardinal’s footsteps approaching, Unfortunately,
I misjudged slightly the timing of my emergence. I had intended to emerge while Mr
5. Cardinal was still a reasonable distance away, so that he would see me in good time
and suppose I was on my way to the summerhouse, or perhaps to the gardener’s
lodge. I could then have pretended to notice him for the first time and have engaged
him in conversation in an impromptu manner. As it happened, I emerged a little late
and I fear I rather startled the young gentleman, who immediately pulled his attaché
10. case away from me and clutched it to his chest with both arms.
‘I’m very sorry, sir.’
‘My goodness, Stevens. You gave me a shock. I thought things were hotting up a
bit there.
‘I’m very sorry, sir. But as it happens, I have something to convey to you.’
15. ‘My goodness, yes, you gave me quite a fright.’
‘If I may come straight to the point, sir. You will notice the geese not far from us.’
‘Geese?’ He looked around a little bewildered. ‘Oh yes. That’s what they are.’
‘And likewise the flowers and the shrubs. This is not in fact the best time of year
to see them in their full glory, but you will appreciate, sir, that with the arrival of
20. spring, we will see a change – a very special sort of change – in these surroundings.’
‘Yes, I’m sure the grounds are not at their best just now. But, to be perfectly frank,
Stevens, I wasn’t paying much attention to the glories of nature. It is all rather
worrying. That M. Dupont’s arrived in the foulest mood imaginable. Last thing we
wanted really.’
25. ‘M.Dupont has arrived here at this house, sir?’
‘About half an hour ago. He’s in the most foul temper.’
‘Excuse me, sir. I must attend to him straight away.’
‘Of course, Stevens. Well, kind of you to have come out to talk to me.’
‘Please excuse me, sir. As it happened, I had a word or two more to say on the
30. topic of – as you put it yourself – the glories of nature. If you will indulge me by
listening, I would be most grateful. But I’m afraid this will have to wait for another
occasion.
‘Well, I shall look forward to it, Stevens. Though I’m more of a fish man myself. I
know all about fish, fresh water and salt.’
35. ‘All living things will be relevant to our forthcoming discussion, sir. However,
you must now please excuse me. I had no idea M. Dupont had arrived.’
Guiding Questions:
- Discuss the misunderstanding that occurs in this extract.
- Discuss how humour is established in this extract, and how humour relates to larger issues apparent in the extract and novel.
Sample Commentary
Teacher's Comments
Students can be given the assessment table (see below) to record their marks and comments. Only then should they be given the opportunity to compare their own assessment with the teacher/examiner’s assessment.
Criterion A - Knowledge and understanding of the text or extract - 10 marks
The commentary must show knowledge of the text. The student is expected to refer to the text to support his or her statements. Where appropriate the student must place the extract in its context.
7 out of 10The student reveals an excellent knowledge of the novel. Her ability to extrapolate from the extract to the text is very impressive. Ironically, perhaps, this is also problematic in that the student probably spends too much of her commentary outside of the extract. Students should be encouraged to extend their discussion from the extract to the text more generally. However, there needs to be a balance struck and it seems, in this case, that the student doesn’t quite get this right. Students must be ‘mostly in the extract’. Since this was a practice IOC, the student was able to recognize this limitation, and was able to use this understanding as a target for future improvement.
Criterion B - Understanding of the use and effects of stylistic features - 10 marks
The commentary shows how the extract uses literary features, such as narrative technique and structure, to convey meaning. The student comments on the effects that these literary features may have on the reader.
6 out of 10 The student’s understanding is adequate. She clearly understands, for example, aspects of characterization and narrative technique, and she is able to suggest how this may impact the reader. It seems that the limitation of her performance in criterion A impacts on criterion B; whilst she shows excellent awareness of the novel, there is insufficient focus on the language and effect in the extract. For example, there is considerable humour in this extract. Whilst the student acknowledges this, she doesn’t entirely tease out how this is (linguistically and stylistically) established.
Criterion C - Organization - 5 marks
The commentary should be well organized and structured. There should be a coherent presentation of ideas.
4 out of 5 There is a mostly coherent presentation of ideas. The student does reasonably well to contextualize and situate the extract. Initial signposting of her intentions could be made clearer. Nevertheless, the student is careful to signal her transitions, and the commentary proceeds in a clear and logical manner without much repetition.
Criterion D - Language
The student's use of English must be appropriate and accurate. The student is expected to use a level of vocabulary and a set of terminology that are appropriate to the register of a formal commentary.
4 out of 5 This criterion seems a little trickier to mark. The student’s language is clear and appropriate. It is perhaps harder to argue that her register and style are consistently effective and appropriate. With this in mind, it seems reasonable that the student be awarded a mark of 4 rather than 5.
This is a very good oral commentary. Given the student’s awareness, understanding, and enthusiasm for the novel, it is likely that with further practice the student will improve in the examined IOC. It is worth noting that, in the student’s copy of the extract, there was line numbering. Students should be encouraged to use this to direct attention to lines in the extract.
The student’s final mark for this practice activity is 21. In the examination of May 2013, this oral would have been awarded a grade of 6 – but only just!
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