IB Docs (2) Team
Individual Oral Commentary (SL) The Remains of the Day 2
The following individual oral commentary (IOC) is based on Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel The Remains of the Day. It is the second sample on the website based on Ishiguro’s novel. This IOC is a practice activity done in advance of the examined IOC. At least one full practice IOC with the teacher makes sound pedagogical sense. It is understood, of course, that in certain settings, student numbers and constraints on time may make this practice difficult or impossible for teachers to manage.
Since this oral commentary was done as a practice activity, students can be encouraged to mark the commentary using the grading criteria, make suggestions for future improvement, and be given the opportunity to discuss their views.
Sample Extract/Passage
From The Remains of the Day
Kazuo Ishiguro
Extract
N.B. Whilst line numbers are not published, they were included with the extract for the student. Each fifth line should normally be numbered.
Extract 1
‘Mr Stevens, I am outraged that you can sit there and utter what you have just done as though you were discussing orders for the larder. I simply cannot believe it. You are saying Ruth and Sarah are to be dismissed on the grounds that they are Jewish?’
‘Miss Kenton, I have just this moment explained the situation to you fully. His lordship has made the decision and there is nothing for you and me to debate over.’
‘Does it occur to you, Mr Stevens, that to dismiss Ruth and Sarah on these grounds would be simply – wrong? I will not stand for such things. I will not work in a house in which such things can occur.’
‘Miss Kenton, I will ask you not to excite yourself and to conduct yourself in a manner befitting your position. This is a very straightforward matter. If his lordship wishes these particular contracts to be discontinued, then there is little more to be said.’
‘I am warning you, Mr Stevens, I will not continue to work in such a house. If my girls are dismissed, I will also leave.’
‘Miss Kenton, I am surprised to find you reacting in this manner. Surely I don’t have to remind you that our professional duty is not our own foibles and sentiments, but the wishes of our employer.’
‘I’m telling you, Mr Stevens, if you dismiss my girls tomorrow, it will be wrong, a sin, as any sin ever was one and I will not continue to work in such a house.’
‘Miss Kenton, let me suggest to you that you are hardly well placed to be passing judgments of such a high and mighty nature. The fact is, the world of today is a very complicated a treacherous place. There are many things you and I are simply not in a position to understand, say, the nature of Jewry. Whereas his lordship, I might venture, is somewhat better placed to judge what is for the best. Now, Miss Kenton, I really must retire. I thank you again for the cocoa. Ten thirty tomorrow morning. Send the two employees concerned, please.’
It was evident from the moment the two maids stepped into the pantry the following morning that Miss Kenton had already spoken to them, for they both came in sobbing. I explained the situation to them as briefly as possible, underlining that their work had been satisfactory and that they would, accordingly, receive good references. As I recall, neither of them said anything of note throughout the whole interview, which lasted three or four minutes, and they left sobbing just as they had arrived.
Guiding Questions:
· Discuss how the language and structure of the extract establishes tension and contributes to our understanding of Mr Stevens and Miss Kenton.
· Discuss the significance of naming (and not naming) in the extract.
Sample Commentary
Teacher's Comments
Students can be given the assessment table (see below) to record their marks and comments. Only then should they be given the opportunity to compare their own assessment with the teacher/examiner’s assessment.
Criterion A - Knowledge and understanding of the text or extract - 10 marks
The commentary must show knowledge of the text. The student is expected to refer to the text to support his or her statements. Where appropriate the student must place the extract in its context.
9 out of 10 – The student demonstrates excellent knowledge and understanding of the text. The student consistently supports her argument with well-chosen references to the text. The student has a clear understanding of the novel and clearly situates her discussion of the extract within the context of the novel as a whole. Notice that her emphasis is on the extract, but that she discusses the novel more widely to reveal the significance of the extract.
Criterion B - Understanding of the use and effects of stylistic features - 10 marks
The commentary shows how the extract uses literary features, such as narrative technique and structure, to convey meaning. The student comments on the effects that these literary features may have on the reader.
7 out of 10 - The student reveals a good awareness of literary features, although her discussion could be more explicit. For example, the student has a strong awareness of thematic concerns, but it would be helpful to highlight this more overtly. Additionally, the student could probably discuss characterization and the structure of the extract more fully and more obviously. Highlighting the potential effect of the text extract on the reader would further enhance this commentary.
Criterion C - Organization - 5 marks
The commentary should be well organized and structured. There should be a coherent presentation of ideas.
5 out of 5 - For the most part, the organization is excellent. The student frequently returns to the significance of the extract, and her discussion is well signposted and coherent.
Criterion D – Language
The student's use of English must be appropriate and accurate. The student is expected to use a level of vocabulary and a set of terminology that are appropriate to the register of a formal commentary.
5 out of 5 - The language is very clear and entirely appropriate. The odd hesitation and reformulation of ideas should not be viewed as problematic. The student also does well, for the most part, to avoid unnecessary interjections and speech fillers.
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