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2013 Paper 1 (HL) The Imperial War Museum (Reopened)

This is the third in a series of responses to the May 2013 (HL) Paper 1 Comparative Commentary. Teachers can find the earlier responses here and here. This third response is rather less competent than the earlier examples.  Teachers and students should use these pages in conjunction with the grading criteria.

 Sample Response Student 3

Comparative Commentary: The Imperial War Museum (iii)

The two texts explore the topic of visiting the Imperial War Museum in London. Both texts provide the reader with valuable information of what is important to see there, providing even specific examples, and detailed descriptions. Text 1 is an online review adapted from a website www.tripadvisor.co.uk. The title of this review is ‘If you like or want to learn WWI history and WWII history, you will be happy’, which clearly sets the targeted audience to be anyone who is interested or ‘wants to learn’ about the history of the First and Second World War. Text 2, on the other hand, is an article adapted from ‘Time Out’ and is possibly part of a regular, weekly series titled ‘London in your lunch hour!”. The title of this specific article, from the week of 7-13 April 2011, is ‘Bomb round the Imperial War Museum’. The audience of this article is possibly any London office workers, who are looking for an interesting way to spend their lunch hour. The purpose of both texts is to inform the reader about the ‘attractions’ in the Imperial War Museum. Text 2 gives a more positive outlook, presenting mainly its positive features. Text 1 however is more judgmental. It still provides a lot of positive information, but the author seems to be more honest about his or her opinion.

The two texts provide the reader with two different views and ways to visit the Imperial War Museum. Text 1 is more appealing to families, and groups with different interests, as well as a lot more time to spend. The author itself is ‘”a parent” from California’, who constantly keeps mentioning her daughter. She provides a lot of valuable information for ‘adults without kids and for those with kids.’ Text 2 on the other hand is very specific and strict in terms of time one can spend in the museum, giving it only 30 minutes and planning it out very precisely for example, in ‘stage seven 28-28.5 mins’. Both texts therefore show that there are possible different ways to visit one museum, it just depends on the individual and the time one is willing to spend.

Text 1 has a very simple and clear structure, which allows the reader to easily follow and understand. It consists of the main three paragraphs, where each one has a slightly different function. For instance, first paragraph introduces the main aspects of the museum targeting mainly the ‘parent’ or an adult, giving examples that are probably more interesting for the older visitors – such as ‘newsreels and papers’. Paragraph two introduces to the reader the aspects that would be considered more interesting to the ‘younger kids’, for example ‘tanks and guns’ or ‘a walk through of a WWI trench.’ In the last paragraph the author just shortly concludes her opinion on the museum. Moreover, since it is a review, there are also a few extra details, such as the question ‘Was this review helpful?’ and a button with a ‘yes’ answer at the end. At the beginning it also shows that ‘8 people found this review helpful’, which indicates that it is a valuable source. It also has a little indication of its quality with the star-like system. This review for example got four out of five ‘stars’, which again indicates its reliability.

Similarly, text 2 also has a very simple and easy to follow structure. The article is split into short paragraphs allowing quick and easy reading. This also reflects the potential tour itself, which is also supposed to be fast. There are eight distinct sections with the pre-planned tour. Each paragraph starts with a sub-title in a form of a time indicator, suggesting how much time is the reader supposed to spend there. For instance, ‘stage one 0-5 mins’. Furthermore, the article has a very eye-catching title ‘Bomb round the Imperial War Museum’, which attracts the reader. The play on words ‘Bomb round’ has a double meaning. Firstly it links to the quick visit and the limited time, but it also links to the theme of war and bombing. The article also has a very short and straight forward introductory paragraph stated in bold. The title, as we as the sub titles, and the final section are also in bold to emphasize the key elements.

Moreover, text 2 has three key visual elements, which makes it a multimodal text. The main image is a picture of one of the rooms in the Imperial War Museum, which gives the audience a glimpse of how it looks inside, and attracts the reader visually. Secondly, the additional visuals next to the photograph such as the clock and the map attract the reader even further. The clock is located next to the slogan ‘London in your lunch hour!’, which indicates an accurate symbol of time. The map and the mini plan of the museum (on the other page) provide the reader with minor details of how to find the museum itself, as well as different places, exhibitions in the museum. Additionally, at the end of the article there are extra details provided, such as the address, phone number, website link, as well as information on how to get there by ‘tube/rail’.

Both texts use a positive and informative tone. In the case of the text 1, the author, even though anonymous, has a lot more personal view. For instance, she gives a lot more personal examples, such as ‘having just visited another Holocaust Museum’ or even expresses her personal opinion – ‘The exhibits do not glorify war, but certainly make me grateful’, which indicates her positive approach to her visit and in a way encourages others to do so as well. Text 2 on the other hand, is a lot less personal, but also very informative. It carries a positive and humorous tone. For example, when the author makes the link between a UK rock band Franz Ferdinand, and the assassination of the archduke of Austria in the First World War. However, both texts are very successful at addressing the reader. For example, the use of pronouns ‘you’, ‘your’ in text 1, as well as text 2, which makes the reader feel included, and more attached to the text. Text 2 also uses a retorical question ‘It still doesn’t make any sense, does it?’, which again addresses the reader directly.

Furthermore, the language used in text 2 is less formal. There are short and simple sentences. However, the reader must have some some information on this topic. The author also suggests that because the time for the visit is restricted and limited, the audience can ‘Read’ or ‘Buy the accompanying book’, which will provide more information.

In conclusion, the two texts address the same theme – visiting the Imperial War Museum. However, the authors target two different types of tours and two different types of audiences. One more open for a family trip, where everyone can find something fun and interesting. The other one is for office-workers, who have just one lunch hour doing something that will give then a ‘new outlook on life.’

Teacher's Comments

Criterion A - Understanding and comparison of the texts - 5 marks

The analysis should show and understanding of the similarities and differences between the texts. There needs to be a clear understanding of the target audience, the purpose and the context (where possible) of the text. The comparative analysis must be supported by relevant examples from the texts.

3 out of 5 - The response shows a good understanding of text type and audience. The understanding, however, is restricted to defining the ‘demographics’ of the audience; there is limited sense in which the response shows awareness of how the texts (intend to) position the reader. Discussion of purpose is not very thorough. For example, the student suggests in her first paragraph that ‘the purpose of both texts is to inform the reader […]’. Whilst this is not wrong, it is surely too simplistic to stop at this. With this in mind, teachers can encourage students to consider ways in which texts may have a plurality of purposes. There is very limited discussion of contexts; any comment is implicit. There is a reasonably successful endeavor to compare and contrast.

Criterion B - Understanding of the use and effects of stylistic features - 5 marks

The comparative analysis should show an understanding of how various stylistic features, such as tone, style and structure, are used to construct meaning. The analysis should comment on the effects that these features have on their target audience.

3 out of 5 – This is adequate. Generally, the response is descriptive, rather than analytical, and there is limited critical insight evidenced. For example, it is rather prosaic to write, as the student does in paragraph 3, that “at the beginning it also shows that ‘eight people found this review helpful’, which indicates that it is a valuable source.’ Equally, discussion of the visual mode is insipid; the student’s argument seems to be that ‘the visuals attract the reader because they are attractive’. Nevertheless, there are a few instances of reasonably strong analysis. The student’s discussion of pronoun usage and rhetorical questioning is quite apposite; the student includes examples, and does well to segue these examples back to a discussion of the intended reader.

Criterion C - Organization and development - 5 marks

The analysis must be well-balanced, meaning that it treats both texts equally. Furthermore, it must be well-structured, coherent and organized.

4 out of 5 – The response is well organized and balanced. Use of cohesive links is somewhat inconsistent. At times, the student is, however, able to establish a convincing and coherent argument; see, for example, her fourth paragraph, and the transition into the fifth paragraph.

Criterion D - Language - 5 marks

The language of the comparative analysis must be clear and accurate. It should be appropriate, meaning it contains formal sentence structure, good choice of words and effective terminology.

4 out of 5 – Language is clear and carefully chosen. There is a good degree of accuracy. Whilst a response would not need to be flawless to achieve five marks, the errors – of various kinds – in this response accumulate, and eventually become difficult to ignore. It probably cannot be said that there is a ‘high degree of accuracy’ in the student’s response, although there is good fluency, and errors tend not to impede understanding

Generally, this is a focused response that is well organized and clearly written. It lacks detail and analytical insight. Above all, perhaps, it shows a limited awareness of the ways in which language (including visuals), structure, and style establish meaning and effect.